Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Year 2000 Was Once The Future

I remember a time, it must have been around 1969 or 1970, when my sister and I were young.  We were huddled together in bed, talking to each other, late into the night. Perhaps it was New Year's Eve?  I remember that I was eleven and she was fifteen and we were imagining the future and calculating how OLD we would be in the year 2000.  We realized we would both be in our forties and all I thought was, "I am going to be old! All the good parts of my life will be over!"

In the 1970s, the book by George Orwell, 1984, was still about the future then, and we read it in school.  An image of large television screens everywhere, attached to the inside and outside of every building, comes to mind when I think about that book.  A man is watching everyone from the television screens, 24 hours a day.  His name is "Big Brother."

"2001: A Space Odyssey" came out in the movies in 1968, but I wasn't old enough to see it then.  I did see it a few years later and I wondered about the future of space travel.  "The Jetsons" was one of my favorite cartoons . . . I still would like a hovercraft.  I used to imagine, while sitting on the Belt Parkway on our way to Brooklyn, how cool it would be to have a hovercraft.  To be able to lift off the ground and pass all the cars stuck in traffic below.

In 1977, while in a Creative Writing class in college, I started my first novel.  It was a Science Fiction novel about a group of people living on a Space Station in the year 2011.  I never finished it, but since that is no longer the future, I suppose that ship has sailed.

In the 1980s, I became fascinated with Nostradamus and Revelations and the predictions for the new millenium.  The destruction of the old wicked world and the beginnings of the thousand years of peace.  The predictions were both terrifying and hopeful.  And then, in the 1990s, the Gulf War ensued and I thought the predictions were coming to pass.  But we survived.

When the year 2000 was finally approaching for real, I filled my bathtub . . . just in case.  "They" said all the computers might shut down and everything that we relied on would just stop.  I had two small children, so I wasn't going to take any chances.  Luckily, much of the world entered the new millenium before New York did, so by the time midnight came, I figured we were pretty safe.

2015 will come tonight.  I never dreamt or thought about 2015 in my life.  It is beyond my imagination and yet it is about to be here.  We don't have hovercrafts that we can ride to work in yet, "man" has not physically travelled beyond the moon, we have old space stations that are ready to be retired, and Big Brother is watching us, but not from large television screens, he's watching us from our phones.

I wonder what years do my children dream of?  What do they imagine for their future?  I've learned two things for sure, their future will come sooner than they think and being in your forties, isn't old. Here's to the New Year!  Wishing for John Lennon's Imagination of a world at peace to finally become a reality.  It is time for our thousand years of peace.   Have a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The Tin Box Secret: Chapter 1 (The first novel of a The Tin Box Trilogy)

For more information on The Tin Box Trilogy, please go to my website at:  www.thetinboxtrilogy.com  Thank you.

Chapter 1          The Tin Box Secret

 

                                1968

The March winds blew and searched for a way to invade the room. I huddled under the covers as the windows shuttered beneath the continuous assault from outside. Within the house, I could hear muffled sounds as my mother prepared my father’s lunch in the kitchen.  The clank of his metal lunchbox resounded on the counter, blending with the music that drifted upstairs from the kitchen radio.  My father turned off the bathroom faucet and the steps creaked beneath him on his way down to the kitchen.  My parents hushed voices floated through the hallway and penetrated my bedroom door.  The warm tones of my father’s voice mixed with the lighter, higher pitch of my mother’s.  I have heard it said that my father had the voice of a “crooner;” and it is true that when he sang, his voice could be warm and comforting.  But when he was angry, that same voice could paralyze us with fear.

My parents were discussing the arrival of our new television set.  The excitement in our house had been building over the past few days since my father had gone to the local appliance store and purchased our family’s first color TV.  The first time I had ever seen one, was at Marcie’s house.  Marcie’s parents owned a profitable dairy business, so they were able to afford all of the latest gadgets. They even had a side-by-side refrigerator with a built-in ice-maker!  Although Marcie and her family had moved to California two years ago, her color TV would forever remain an object of wonder in my mind.  While the picture itself was full of color, it was the edges of the screen that captivated me.  There seemed to be a rainbow of colors compressed into a halo, framing the moving images within.  I was so fascinated by those colors that I had to quell my urge to touch the screen to see if I could feel the rainbow with my fingertips.  

"Girls,” my mother’s voice called from the kitchen, “it’s time for breakfast.”

I pulled myself out of bed and looked over at Angie’s side of the room.  It was as if an imaginary line had been drawn down the middle of the floor.  Her side was perfect, everything in its place.  My side looked like a small explosion had thrown clothes, paper, pencils, crayons, and stuffed animals in every direction.  I stepped away from the bed and pushed everything aside, making a path among the chaos.   I opened my dresser drawers and tried to find something to wear among the disheveled clothing while Angie jumped out of bed, grabbed her neatly folded clothes, and ran into the bathroom.  I was still trying to get my things together ten minutes later when Angie reappeared at the bedroom door and said, “Juliana, you’d better hurry or you’re gonna be late again.”  Angie’s smile revealed that her motive wasn’t completely sympathetic.  At the ripe old age of nine, she learned always to be the “good” child.  She skipped downstairs to the breakfast table and I rushed toward the bathroom, nearly colliding with my older sister, Mary, as she came down the stairs from her attic bedroom.

“Queen Mary,” as I called her, had her own room because she was two years older than me.  Just two years, think about it!  If I had been born first, she would be sharing the room with Angie!  Mary was a junior in high school and one of the smartest people I knew.  I peeked out of the door and saw her pause for a moment in front of Joe’s empty room before continuing down to the kitchen.  I swallowed to keep the tears from seeping past my eyelids and walked into the bathroom.  Fifteen minutes later, I joined my sisters at the breakfast table.

My father was just reaching for his coat and lunchbox as I sat down to breakfast.  He kissed each of us goodbye, his clean shaven face soft and smelling like Old Spice.  When he came home from work he would kiss each of us again, but his five o’clock shadow would then scrape against our cheeks like sandpaper against silk.   Now, as he walked down the stairs toward the garage he called back up to us, “See you later alligator!”  My sisters and I replied with a giggle, “In a while crocodile.”  This was our routine every morning. 

The breakfast table had been set with three bowls, a gallon of milk, a small bowl of sugar, one box of Rice Krispies and one box of Cornflakes.  I poured the Rice Krispies into my bowl and sprinkled some sugar over it.  Next I poured the milk over the cereal and bent low to listen for the “snap, crackle, pop!” that the commercials promised.  On the radio a woman was singing, “Winston tastes good like a – bump, bump – cigarette should.”   My mother danced around the kitchen and tried her best to sing along.  She wasn’t very good at it, but I still liked to hear her sing.  I sat back in my chair and smiled, it was so nice to see her happy.  For a brief moment my family seemed almost . . . normal.  Above the radio on the wall was a sign that read, “Don’t cry over spilt milk.”  I don’t know why it was in our house, because if you had spilt the milk, you were bound to be crying.  My father didn't like messes.   By its side was another sign, “A man’s home is his castle,” a reminder to keep the peace.  My muscles automatically tensed and I scooped up a spoonful of cereal and gulped it down.

 The news announcer came on next and everyone stopped eating for a minute.  “Tuesday, March 19, 1968.  In the news today, Robert F. Kennedy, who announced this past weekend that he intends to join the race for President of the United States, made it clear that he has concerns about President Johnson’s decision to send 35,000 to 50,000 more troops to Vietnam . . .”

 We waited to hear the latest tally of dead in the war.  It always seemed to indicate huge losses for the North Vietnamese while the U.S. casualties remained minimal.   It made me think about old western movies.  Once I had been upset when the Indians in an old movie were slaughtered by the cowboys.  My father told me that the actors who played the Indians would just keep getting up, run behind the cameras, and when they came back in front of the cameras, they would fall again.  It was just a trick.  Things weren't always how they seemed.  I kind of felt like the Vietnam War was like that.  According to the news reports, the North Vietnamese seemed to be losing and the United States soldiers were winning.  But I didn't quite believe them.

 Even though Vietnam was so far away, it was real to me.  My brother, Joe, was in the army and he had been in Vietnam for over a year already.  That’s why it got so quiet at the kitchen table.  I wondered now why President Johnson wanted to send over more soldiers if it was true that we were winning the war.  I was glad when the news ended and The Fifth Dimension started singing their new hit.

 For a moment, I stared at my cereal.  The milk slowly dissolved the Rice Krispies until they became soft and bloated.  I touched my head as the pain returned once again.  “Another headache, honey?” my mother asked.  Thinking back to the night before, images from the dream came and went.  An overwhelming feeling of loss crept up into my throat and almost suffocated me.  The headaches had a habit of following those dreams.  Dreams that seemed more like warnings, or perhaps memories, than actual dreams.  My mother handed me some Aspergum and I popped the chewy medicine in my mouth as I cleared my cereal from the table, no longer feeling hungry.

 We put on our coats and hats.  My mother always insisted that we wear our hats, but I knew that as soon as Mary was out of sight, she would take hers off.   Mary thought she was too cool to wear a hat.  She turned right to walk north toward the high school bus stop and Angie and I turned left.  Once we were around the corner, Angie and I also separated, she walked east toward the elementary school and I continued south toward the junior high.  As I approached the school, I looked out over the bay and watched the seagulls.  The school sat on filled-in swampland.  The bay stretched out south and as far west and east as I could see.  I glanced nervously in all three directions and scanned the skies.  Then I surveyed the new park that was in the process of being constructed across the street from the school.  The park was still a long way from being finished.  Tractors had moved around piles of sand and dirt, and the once beautiful marshlands, now had a scarred look about them.   When I was younger, I had liked to walk along the shore of the bay, behind the sand dunes, hidden from the world.  Occasionally, when the tractors were silent, I still found peace there.  I had a place along the beach.  It was my secret place, where I would sit and just think about things.  I worried about how long it would be kept secret once the park was finished.  But then again, I worried about a lot of things.

 Harbor Junior High had a bomb shelter built into the basement.  Once a year, the teachers would take us down into the shelter, to see where we would hide if the Russians launched missiles against New York.  Of course, they didn't actually say that, but we all knew what they were thinking.  Sweet lemon drop candies were stored there in case we had to survive for some time without food.  However, we were given lemon drops whenever they brought us down.  I know this was supposed to make the shelter seem less scary, but this made me worry that there wouldn't be any candy left if we really needed it.  Another thing that worried me was that if the Russians dropped a bomb on Long Island, how safe would I be in a bomb shelter that was constructed on filled-in swampland with the bay just a few feet away?  Well, I guess I’d be safer than Angie at the elementary school.   There, if they had an air-raid drill, all they did was walk into the hall, face the wall, and put their hands over their heads and hope that the bomb didn't drop through the ceiling.  The fear I shared with every child of the Cold War was very real to me.  I had this image in my head of a control room behind a red iron curtain where a man stood poised over an electronic panel.  Beneath his fingers, lay a red button and at any moment he could push that button and missiles would be launched against the United States.  I took another long glance at the sky over the bay.  I was reassured to find that the sky was still empty of Russian missiles.

 My friend, Heather, was waiting for me by the bicycle rack.  She had a spirit that defied her lot in life.  Heather and I had one thing in common that had made us best friends since kindergarten.  As the smallest girls in our grade, we watched as the other girls grew taller.  Our petite stature fortified our friendship and protected us from feeling left behind.  Our height was, however, where the physical similarities ended.  Her hair was as blonde as mine was dark, her eyes were round and blue while mine were almond shaped and brown.  And today, her blue eyes were rimmed with red.

 The bell rang and we made our way through the crowd to our lockers. Grabbing her arm and pulling her close, I jumped right in, “What’s going on with you?”  Heather looked like she was afraid that if she opened her mouth she might start crying right there in the middle of the hallway.  She clenched her jaw shut and just shook her head, miserably.

 “You want to wait and talk at lunch?”

 She nodded her head yes and I squeezed her hand before we parted to head toward our separate homerooms.  As I walked away, I kept turning around to check on her.  I was almost afraid to find out what her latest crisis was.  Heather’s dad had left when she was little.  She and her mom had lived with her grandmother for a while; but when that got to be “too much” (those were the words that her grandmother had used) they spent the following years moving from one rented house in the neighborhood, to another.  Her grandmother had died last year and now all she had was her mom.  Her mom must have inherited a little money from Heather’s grandmother, but if she did, it hadn’t seemed to make any difference in Heather’s life.  Except that maybe her mother had more money to buy booze.

 My homeroom was at the end of the hall and it was for the kids with names at the end of the alphabet.  I hated being last because I was always put in the back where I was made to feel like a leftover.  This was especially a problem because of my height.  I would inevitably end up sitting at the back of a classroom with towering classmates sitting in front of me, totally blocking my view of the blackboard!  I promised myself that when I got married, I would marry someone whose name began with a letter at the beginning of the alphabet.  The teacher called my name for attendance, “Juliana Ventura?”  “Here.” I replied from somewhere in the depths of the classroom, beyond the sea of heads.  My teacher had to take a few steps to the right so that she could see my raised hand, then she checked off my name in her little book.

 I had a hard time concentrating in my morning classes because I kept thinking about Heather.  When it was time for lunch I raced down to the cafeteria to meet her.  She looked a little better than she had in the morning, but she still seemed pale.

 I gently coaxed her, “Do you feel like talking?”

 In a barely audible voice, Heather mumbled, “My mom didn't come home last night.”  This was not the first time that this had happened, so I didn’t understand why she continued to get so upset every time that it did.

“Okay, but she’s probably there now.  Maybe she just had to work late or something,” I reasoned.

Heather just stared at her lunch while I took a bite of my apple butter sandwich. “I’m sure she’ll be back by the time you get home,” I said with more conviction.  Heather’s eyes still didn’t leave her sandwich.

“Hey,” I tried to change the subject.  “Did I tell you we’re getting a colored television set today?”

“That’s cool,” she said rather flatly.

“Maybe you can come over this weekend and watch it with me?”

“Yeah, I guess.” 

My heart went out to her and I wanted so much to make everything better, but I just didn’t know how.  I thought about how horrible it would be to have an alcoholic parent.  At my house, the alcohol was in one of our living room end tables.  The bottles had been in there for at least ten years.  The only time they were taken out was on New Year’s Eve when my parents made whiskey sours, highballs, or screwdrivers.

“Wait for me after school and I’ll walk home with you,”

“Thanks, Julie.  You’re the best friend, ever!”

But I didn’t feel like I was the best friend ever.  I mean, really, what could I possibly do to help her?  After all, her life was a mess, and mine wasn’t much better.

As I went through the rest of the day, I tried to think happier thoughts. I kept wondering if the new television set had been delivered yet.  It was going to replace our old television that was built into a wood cabinet in the downstairs recreation room.  You had to open the doors to see the TV screen.  We also had a small black and white television set, with rabbit ear antennas, in our upstairs living room.  The downstairs TV didn’t need rabbit ears because it was hooked up to an antenna on our roof.  The small black and white would be brought up to our bedrooms when we were really sick.  Like the time all three of us girls got the chicken pox.  First Mary got sick and the doctor came to give the rest of us shots.  I remember running away from the doctor, but I finally got caught and he put me over his knee.  But the shot didn’t help.  I got the chicken pox anyway.

My last class was social studies and Donny DeLaney sat in the back of the room.  He rarely took off his black leather jacket.  Although he was the star of the wrestling team, he was a loner and didn’t seem to have any real friends.  The guys were afraid of him, but behind his back they made fun of him.   His great grandfather, Old Man Finster, was infamous in our town.  There were stories that he had murdered people with axes and kept their bodies buried in his yard.  The old man’s son, Sam, had had a reputation for being a tough angry young man and he had left his own legacy of terror before dying in a bar fight.  Sam’s daughter, Margaret, Donny's mother, found out she was pregnant while still in high school.  Margaret’s grandfather forced her to marry the baby’s father, Trevor DeLaney, and, as the story goes, in doing so, she had traded one prison for another.

Trevor had been the high school wrestling champion and his old wrestling trophies and photos still lined the showcases in the gym’s hallway.  It was obvious from the photos that he had been a handsome young man, but his eyes were as cold as stone.  It gave me the creeps just to look at those pictures.  These days, people just assumed that Donny was exactly like his father, so they steered clear of him.  But it seemed to me that he had never actually done anything to earn that reputation, except to be born into the Finster/DeLaney family.

Sometimes, Donny would look across the room at me and catch me staring at him.  His brooding eyes were a deep warm blue, so unlike his father’s, but still, they seemed haunted.  For an unguarded moment they would reveal a puzzled expression.  Then his eyelids would close like shades and when they opened the expression would be gone.  It was as if the real Donny was hiding behind this persona that everyone else had given him.  Those eyes held a million questions, and sometimes I felt as though he thought I had the answers.  This always made me feel uneasy, and today was no different.  When Social Studies class was over and the bell rang, I ran for my locker.

Heather was just coming out of the girls’ bathroom so I waited for her to get her jacket.  She was so quiet on the walk home that we may as well have been in a funeral procession.   When we finally reached her house, I was glad to see her mom’s car parked in the driveway.  Heather’s face lit up with relief but she hesitated at the front door.  “Julie, would you come in with me?”

I looked down at my watch, hesitantly, “Uh, sure.”  I held her hand as we walked through the front door.  She had only lived in this house for a couple of months and I had never been inside it before.  One of my father’s rules was that I had to come straight home from school.  I really wasn’t allowed to socialize during the school year and this was a hard rule for me to follow.  Sometimes, his rules made it difficult for me to have friends.  Heather seemed to be the only one who understood.  In the summer months, I had a bit more freedom, but the summer seemed a long way away as our breaths crystallized in the cold afternoon air. 

In addition to rules, my father had a lot of prejudices, so he didn’t like my being friends with anyone who was different.  Once, when I was eight, I asked if I could join the Pioneer Girls.  My father had exploded, “That’s run by Lutherans!”  The way he went on about Lutherans after that made it clear that he thought they were a mind-controlling cult bent on stealing me away from the Catholic Church.  I never asked again.

As I entered Heather’s house I reminded myself to make this quick.  The house was dark and musty and if it hadn't been for the light that poured in through the open front door, I might have fallen right into the gaping hole in her living room floor.   Heather let go of my hand and walked around it and up the stairs to her mom’s bedroom.  I wasn't sure if I should follow or not, so I just stood there staring at the hole.  I inched closer and peered into the darkness over the edge and down into the basement below.  I shivered, stepped back and closed the front door.  But the inside of the house wasn't much warmer than outside.  I wrapped my arms around my body to slow down the shaking.  I could still see my breath form in the air.  I carefully walked around the hole, sat down on her couch and waited for my eyes to adjust to the dim light.  The room was gloomy and sparsely furnished.  Dust had gathered in every corner and the floor had long ago lost its varnish.  Scratches evidenced where furniture had been scraped along the surface.  I was wondering if any had fallen to the basement below through the hole, when I heard a sound and looked up.

Heather slowly came back down the stairs.  Her small body shaking so hard I was afraid she’d fall.  When she reached the bottom step her anger flashed, “She’s so drunk I can’t even wake her!  She’s just snoring away in her bed and her room reeks of gin!”  Heather’s anger and frustration were bordering on hysteria.  I looked at my watch, it was already after four.  I knew that I needed to get going but I couldn't just leave Heather like this.

I took charge and led her to the kitchen, “Let’s get something to eat.”   In Italian families, you learn that food is comfort.  We opened the cupboard but there wasn't a whole lot there.  We did, however, find a box of chocolate cake mix.  Next I checked the refrigerator; there were eggs and milk so I placed all of the items on the kitchen table.  “Let’s make chocolate cake!  It always makes me feel better!” I tried to ignore the little voice in my head that was saying, “Go home, Julie,” as we mixed the cake.  I tried to think of an excuse I could give my mom.  Maybe I could say that I had stayed at school for extra help.  As long as it didn’t take too long, I’d be okay.

When we put the mixer on high speed, cake mix flew everywhere in the kitchen.  By the time we had the cake in the oven, we were laughing so hard that our sides ached.  We turned on her kitchen radio and sang along.  We danced around the kitchen and checked the cake every few minutes, opening the door to the oven to see if the cake was done.  About an hour later we were finally sitting at her kitchen table each with a giant (although a bit flat) piece of chocolate cake and a glass of milk.  To me, there was nothing like warm, just-out-of-the-oven, chocolate cake.  I always ate the bottom and saved the top for last, because the top was my favorite part.  It was hard not to stuff it all in my mouth at once because it just smelled and tasted so good.  But I had learned that if you take your time and eat it slowly, it’s so much more satisfying.

“So is Donny DeLaney still staring at you in class?”  Heather asked with a giggle.  I was glad to see that Heather was thinking about something other than her mom, but I wasn’t too sure I liked this subject either.

I took a deep breath, “Yeah.”

“So, are you going to do anything about it?”

“Like what?’

“I don’t know.  Do you want me to ask him if he likes you?”

“No!”

“Oh, okay, I won’t.  But one of you has just got to do something or I’m going to get involved.”

“Don’t you dare!”   I grabbed a piece of cake and threw it at her!

“Hey!” She grabbed a piece and threw it at me and it landed in my hair.

When we were finally finished with our food fight, we both felt a lot better.  That is until I noticed the time, it was almost six o’clock!

“Sorry Heather, but I've got to get going.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.”  Suddenly the concern in the room shifted from her to me.

At my house, we ate dinner every night at five o’clock sharp.  My father got home at a quarter to five and we all sat together to eat dinner as a family.  My father sat in his seat with his belt slung over his lap.  We never ate out or ordered in.  My mother cooked all of our meals and she cooked them the way my father liked them.  Not too much garlic, no rice, and no broccoli.  As I walked past the hole in Heather’s living room again, I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

Like a condemned man walking to the electric chair I walked home as slowly as I could.  After all, I was already late.  Maybe if I delayed my arrival long enough I could come up with an excuse that he would accept.  About a block from my house, I saw him walking toward me.  He didn't say a word.  His face was set in stone when he grabbed my arm and just about dragged me home.  All my excuses died on my tongue before even getting a chance to escape through my clenched teeth.  The house was silent, although I could see that everyone was still in the kitchen.  The dinner sat cold on the table between them.  My mother and sisters sat there quietly, as I was pushed up the stairs.  In my room my dad took off his belt. I knew what was coming next.  His eyes were glazed with anger.  Usually, when he punished me, he’d hit me with the belt a few times.  But this time he just couldn't get the anger out of him.  So he just kept hitting.  When he finally stopped, I could hear crying. Then I realized, through my own tears, that he was crying too.  His voice cracked as he said, “Don’t you ever do that again!”  He turned away from me and went downstairs, back to his dinner.

Later that night, after my mother had spread Mercurochrome on the fresh cuts across my back, I lay on my stomach in bed on top of the cool sheets.  I listened as my family gathered downstairs in the recreation room around the new color TV.  And in the darkness of my room, I tried to imagine the colors that were surely outlining the screen.  I reached my hand out, and in my mind, I felt the rainbow against my fingertips.



Monday, December 29, 2014

Suspended in Time

It is early morning on December the 29th and my children are still asleep in their bedrooms.  The house is quiet.  I can hear the clock ticking, time is passing.  If I could suspend time, I would do it now.

Just enough time has passed, since they came home from college for the holidays, to allow me to feel like this is the normal state of our family.  It feels "normal" that they live at home, that I go to sleep worrying about them because they are out at night and that I plan my meals and activities around them.  But all that will change over the next week or so.  They will leave again.  The house will empty of their energy.  Their absence will leave a void until I adjust, once again, to the new "normal" state of our family.

One year is ending and another will soon begin.  The years are rolling into each other at a faster pace these days.  It is time to reflect on the past and time to imagine the future.  I look through my photo albums, no longer the ones of old that filled books upon books, but now, instead, they fill my computer's memory.  Through the photos I watch as they grew.  I can see the changes now . . . that I couldn't see then.  What will come in the future?  Will they marry and have families of their own?  How much a part of them will I be?  Will we live near or far?  Will their spouses find me an imposition?  As individual branches of our family, they will disperse and grow in different directions. They will, inevitably, spread and grow apart.

But this morning, they are together under one roof, safe and asleep in their beds.  They may stand on the brink of their lives, filled with the excitement of what might be, and I too, stand ready to become the author I have always dreamed of being, but for this moment . . . they are mine once again . . .
. . . even if it is just for a few more days.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

My father's family: One Hundred and Fourteen Years Ago



As we enter the year 2015, I thought you would all enjoy a story about my grandmother, Vincenza Noto, and her family.  She arrived in America on October 24, 1901.  I continue to research their lives, but based on what I know so far, this is how I envision that it happened.


The hall of the tenement house smelled of the cooking that took place behind the many closed doors.  On each floor, there was a bathroom that was shared by the four families who lived on that floor.  This was an improvement from the outhouses that had once stood in the courtyard.  Recently, windows had been installed above the doors to the individual apartments.  Although they could be opened to help the stale air circulate, the halls remained dark and gloomy.  "Nana!" Grandma Rosalia Sconzo watched as her granddaughters ran up the tenement's stairs toward her.  She smiled at their excitement and wondered what life would bring to them in America.  Eight-year-old Vincenza (my grandmother) and her five-year-old sister, Rosie, raced up to greet her after their long journey.  Vincenza was pushed aside by Little Rosie, as the younger girl scrambled past her to reach the landing.  Little Rosie pulled on her grandmother's heavy black skirts, "Nana, I won!"  At 69 years old, Grandma Rosalia was starting a new life in a new world.  She had had serious reservations about this decision, but once all of her children had decided to give it a try, she became determined to accompany them.  Rosalia had four sons and a daughter.  Giuseppe, the oldest, was 47, then came Alphonse, who was 43, then Vincenzo, who was 41, then her only daughter, Marianna, who was 31, and finally, the baby, Andrew, who was 26.  With the arrival of Marianna and Andrew, now all of her children were in America, except for Vincenzo.  Vincenzo would arrive with his family in 1907.  But for now she looked past her granddaughters and saw as her daughter, Marianna, struggling on the narrow dark stairs, holding baby Thomas in one arm, while two-year-old Francesco held onto her other hand.  Her daughter-in-law, Angelina, Andrew's wife, trailed behind Marianna, with her infant son in her arms.  Grandma Rosalia coaxed Vincenza in her thick Sicilian dialect, "Vincenza, go help your mama."  Vincenza dutifully turned back toward her mother and little brothers and grabbed hold of Francesco's hand so that Mairanna could hold on to the wooden banister as she continued to climb.

Only five days earlier, on October 19, 1901, Grandma Rosalia had looked back at the S.S. Patria and it's three huge smoke stacks as she left Ellis Island.  She had never imagined that she would travel across the Atlantic Ocean to America, yet here she was.  She had accompanied her son, Alphonse, along with his wife, Josefina, and their two young sons.  But her eldest son, Giuseppe Sconzo, along with Marianna's husband, Antonino Noto, who was 34, and Antonino's brother, Agostino Noto, who was 26, had already been traveling back and forth between Italy and New York since 1897.  Giuseppe had married, Francesca Noto, the sister of Antonino and Agostino, in 1877.  Later, in 1891, Giuseppe's sister, Marianna, had married his brother-in-law, Antonino.  Giuseppe, Antonino, and Agostino, had all paved the way for the rest of the family to join them on DeGraw Street in the Red Hook section of Brooklyn.

Giuseppe and his wife, Francesca, lived in a tiny three-room tenement apartment with their eight children who ranged in age from two to nineteen.  In the same building, Francesca's younger brothers, Agostino and Antonino, shared another tiny apartment.  But now, with the latest arrivals, they would be sharing that apartment with Antonino's family and Andrew and his family.  The dirt streets outside were crowded with wagons selling their wares, people walked everywhere, the women in their heavy clothes, the men in their shirtsleeves.

A month later, Vincenza sat by the window in her tenement apartment.   She reached out to the close-pin bag, grabbed a handful of close-pins. and laid them on the floor.  She took pieces of cloth and sewed "doll clothes" and wrapped the tiny outfits around the clothes-pins.  In this way, she made dolls for herself and Rosie to play with.  They sat on the floor and listen as the family prepared dinner.  Vincenza thought that although they had traveled thousands of miles, this apartment in New York was not much different from their apartment in Palermo.  Both were tiny and crowded with people.  Both were dark and grimy in spite of all the cleaning that her mother, aunts, and grandmother did.  She wondered why they had traveled so far for the same thing.  New York was not what she had imagined.  She thought it would be all bright and glistening, shiny and beautiful.  Her father, Antonino, had left a good job in Sicily as a Blacksmith, to become a Longshoreman in New York. Every morning he left early to walk to work with her uncles.  They worked long hours and when the men came home, they were tired and smelled of dead fish and sweat.  They would smoke their pipes and cigars and drink their strong coffee as the women served them.  But today was Sunday.  Her father sat in his chair and read his Italian newspaper.  He seemed happy to have his family all together again.  Three years ago he had left his family to give America a try. A short time later, his brother, Agostino, joined him.  A year after that, his sister, Francesca, and his brother-in-law, Giuseppe Sconzo, arrived with their children.  Antonino had then traveled back to Sicily and prepared his family, over the next two years, to return with him to New York.  Now, all the planning and preparation was done, and his dream had finally become a reality.  He had every reason to believe that with hard work, his decision to bring his family to America would be a blessing for his children and grandchildren.

Meanwhile, a few months later, on January 15, 1902, Gaetano Zimmardi (my grandfather) arrived on a ship called the Esperia.  He was working on the ship in the boiler room.  The ship had left Palermo just after Christmas, on December 27, 1901.  Gaetano left his father, Santo, his step-mother, his two older sisters, Grazia and Paola,  a younger half-sister, Vincenza, and a younger half-brother, Giuseppe, behind in Sicily.  As far as I know, he never saw any of them again.  In Sicily he had been called "maestro", because he was a music teacher who played the mandolin beautifully.  But on the journey to America, instead of strumming the delicate strings of his instrument, his hands became black with coal as he labored in the belly of the ship, shoveling coal into the furnace that propelled the ship forward. In the nearly three weeks that it took to traverse the Atlantic Ocean, Gaetano had devised a plan.  When it landed in New York harbor, he "jumped ship" and disappeared into the streets of New York.  Having arrived illegally, those first years must have been difficult.  He probably found family in America to help him.  I am still researching this missing piece of the puzzle.  He was twenty years old when he arrived.  But as of now, I have not been able to find him in the 1905 New York Census.

On February 21, 1909, at the age of 27, Gaetano Zimmardi eloped with sixteen-year-old Vincenza Noto, without her parents' permission.  Grandma Rosalia had passed away by then, but not before she was able to see her son Vincenzo once again, as he arrived in New York with his wife and seven children on December 21, 1907, completing the immigration of her family to America.  Gaetano made his living as a machinist according to the 1910 census.  Vincenza's family must have accepted Gaetano as a son-in-law rather quickly, because they all lived together on DeGraw Street in 1910.

But as the years passed, it seems that Antonino Noto's life did not exactly go as he had planned.  The struggles he faced in America were ones he could not have imagined.  His work as a longshoreman on the docks of Brooklyn harbor, brought him under the control of The Black Hand.   The Black Hand was a predecessor to the MAFIA. They were not as organized, they were more like small bands of thugs, but they ruled the streets and the docks of New York in the early years of the 20th century.  If you did not follow their commands, you had to pay.  Sometimes, they would take your children or your wife as ransom.  On the morning of December 29th, 1912, Vincenza's father, Antonino, was found dead of self-induced biocloride of mercury poisoning.  His suicide ended the threat that the Black Hand held over his family.  But his death left his wife, Marianna, with three young sons, ranging in age from two to fourteen, and two daughters, Little Rosie, who was now sixteen, and Vincenza, who was now eighteen and the mother of two babies of her own.  For the rest of her life, Marianna lived in the same house or close by to her daughter, Vincenza.  Marianna died in 1941 at the age of 71.

Upon the suicide of his father-in-law, Vincenza's husband, Gaetano, had become the soul support for his wife's family, along with his own, growing family.  In the 1920 census, the first census where my father, Tony, shows up since he was born in December of 1918, Gaetano is listed as a Boiler Maker. In the 1930 census, he is listed as a laborer working on the docks.  In the 1940 census he and Vincenza had nine living children and he is listed as a Boiler Maker for "Dry-Dock Steamship." Only at home, did his now blackened fingers play his mandolin as he remembered his old life in Sicily.
Standing: Vincenza, Little Rosie, and Marianna

Vincenza and Gaetano grew old surrounded by their children and grandchildren.  They survived the Great Depression and with the help of their son, Tony, in 1938, they were finally able to buy their own house in Brooklyn on 56th Street.  The family gathered there every Sunday until Gaetano and Vincenza moved out to Long Island around 1967.  Vincenza developed gangrene from an injury to her toe and had to have both legs removed.  She died in 1969 at the age of 76.  Gaetano became senile in his old age, he passed away in 1971 at the age of 89.

So. wherever in the world that you may live, take a moment this New Year's Eve to think about all that your ancestors survived.  Through their struggles, their greatest hope was for their descendants (that's you) to have a better life.  Probably not so different from your own greatest hope.








Monday, December 22, 2014

It's Five Days Before Christmas

It's five days before Christmas and my true love said to me,
We need to buy a Chr-ist-ma-s tree.

It's four days before Christmas and my true love said to me,
My mom is coming, the kids she want to see.

It's three days before Christmas and my true love said to me,
I need ideas for Christmas presents, please.

It's two days before Christmas and my true love said to me,
Please make some more cookies just for me.

It's one day before Christmas and my true love said to me,
Going shopping, at the mall is where I'll be.

It's finally Christmas morning and my true love says to me,
You're the best present Santa's ever put under my tree!
. . . Smile!


Friday, December 19, 2014

More Christmas Cookie Recipes

Since so many people are asking for these recipes, I thought I would share them on my blog with a little note about each recipe.

Regina's Thumb Print Cookies:


Regina is a dear friend of mine who is a wonderful mom to her two lucky children.  She is a talented cook and an incredible interior home designer.  But much more than that, she has one of the biggest hearts I've ever known and I feel so lucky to have her as a friend.  Her ancestors came over from Ireland to start there new lives in America.  I am not sure of where she got this recipe, but these cookies are absolutely delicious!

Ingredients:

2 Sticks Sweet Butter
1 Cup Sugar
2 Egg Yolks
1 Teaspoon Vanilla
2 1/2 Cups Flour

Cream butter with electric mixer.  Beat in sugar, add yolks and beat.  Add vanilla, then add flour and mix well.

Form 1" balls, place on greased sheet, flatten center with a thumbprint on each one.  Fill thumbprint with your choice of jam (I used homemade blackberry jam given to me as a gift by another dear friend of mine.  Thank you, Diane!)  Place in 350 degree F oven for 15-20 minutes. After you take them out of the oven, sprinkle with powdered confectionery sugar over them.


Aunt Kitty's Butter Horns:


Aunt Kitty's husband, Uncle Del, was my father-in-law, Frank's, brother.  Aunt Kitty's family came to America from Bari, Italy.  In years past, before we lost too many loved-ones, and most of the cousins moved to New Jersey, my husband's family would all gather together in Queens, NY for the holidays. My mother-in-law and father-in-law had grown-up as next-door neighbors, so both sides of my husband's family still lived next door to each other while my children were young.  I always looked forward to Aunt Kitty's amazing butter horn cookie and missed them when our family started to grow apart.  So I called her on the phone a few years ago and asked for the recipe. Since my husband does not like nuts, I made an alternate filling with chocolate, but the nut filling is the original filling to the recipe.

Ingredients:

3 Cups Flour
1/2 lb. Butter
1 Egg Yolk
1/2 Cup Sour Cream

Cream butter in an electric mixer.  Add flour, then egg yolk. Lastly, add sour cream.  Divide into 3 or 4 balls.  Roll out into a thin pie crust shape.

Nut Filling:

1 Cup Sugar
1 Cup Walnuts Chopped
1 Teaspoon Cinnamon

Moist Chocolate Filling:

1/2 Cup of Chocolate Chips Chopped
1 Cup Sugar
1 Stick of Butter
A Pinch of Cinnamon


Dry Chocolate Filling:

1/2 Cup of Chocolate Chips Chopped
1 Cup of Sugar
A Pinch of Cinnamon

Spread filling lightly over rolled out pie crust.  Cut pie crust into wedges like cutting a pizza pie, but the base of the wedges should be about the size of your thumb.  Roll up wedges, start from the wide side and roll toward the point. Place on lightly greased cookie sheet.  Brush top with beaten egg whites.  Bake at 350 degrees F for 20-25 minutes.


Grandma Caroline's Press Butter Cookies:


Next door to Aunt Kitty, lived Grandma Carolina DeCaprio Normandia.  Grandma Carolina was the mother of my mother-in-law, Caroline.  Grandma came to America from Caserta, Italy.  If you are interested in her story, please read my blog post entitled "Carolina's Journey to America" posted on 2/24/14.  I will forever be thankful that I was in her home one day when she was making these cookies.  I watched her make them and took down the recipe for future use.  She passed away when my daughter was only a year old, we miss her greatly.  I feel so fortunate to still have her butter cookie recipe to pass on to the next generation.

Ingredients:

1 lb. Butter
1 Cup of Sugar
5 Egg Yolks and 1 Whole Egg
5 Cups of Flour
1 Teaspoon of Baking Powder
1 Tablespoon of Vanilla
1/2 Teaspoon of salt

Cream butter in an electric mixer.  Add egg yolks and whole egg, beat until consistent.  Add vanilla.  Add salt and sugar, beat well.  Finally, add baking powder and flour.  (You can add food coloring if you'd like.)  Shape into separate balls to place into cookie press.  Press cookies with a cookie press into shapes on pan (do not grease pan).  Do not refrigerate dough, if you do, you need to wait until it is room temperature to work it through a cookie press.  Bake at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes.

I love everything chocolate, so I dip these cookies into chocolate and then decorating them with sprinkles.  However, I always leave some without chocolate because they are really good that way too. For the cookies that I don't dip in chocolate, I add sprinkles on top before I bake them.  For the cookies I do dip in chocolate, I bake them first and then dip in chocolate after.  Finally, I decorate the chocolate dipped cookies with sprinkles before placing them in the refrigerator for the chocolate to harden.

Dipping Chocolate:

I use Merckens' Dark Chocolate.  On a stove, bring a small (about an inch or two) amount of water in a pot to a boil.  Then remove pot from the heat source after it boils.  Place a smaller pot inside the pot with the water.  In the smaller pot, place the chocolate.  The chocolate should never touch the water itself.  The chocolate is melted slowly by the hot water in the pot that is under the pot that the chocolate is in.  Mix chocolate often until smooth.  Then use liquid chocolate to decorate cookies. Place decorated cookies in refrigerator until the chocolate hardens and is shiny.






Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A Recipe for Struffoli from my Great Grandmother to You!

My ancestors were strong, courageous, determined Italian men and women who traveled across an ocean to start a new life in America.  They left their homes and families in the tumultuous time between the 1860s and early 1900s, after Giuseppe Garibaldi conquered Sicily and Naples and turned these territories over to King Victor Emmanuel II.  It was a time when Italians found themselves divided in Garibaldi's attempt to create a united Italy.  The south was heavily taxed in order to benefit the north, and southern Italy struggled under the weight of the new laws and regulations.  With the promise of freedom and opportunity, Southern Italians poured through the ports of America in droves.  Although they left so much behind, there were things that they took with them.  They brought with them their traditions and culture.  Some of those traditions have been passed down through the generations and we honor our ancestors today when we celebrate holidays and recreate the memories that were so special to them.  For me, one of those traditions is baking Struffoli at Christmas time.

My Great Grandmother Pauline (Paola) DeLuca Autorino, brought this recipe with her from the Campania Region of Italy.  She taught it to my grandmother, who taught it to my mother, who taught it to me and, as you can see from the pictures below, when my daughter was four years old, I taught it to her. It isn't Christmas in our house without homemade Struffoli!  If you'd like to try the recipe, here it is.
It's my Christmas gift to you!

Struffoli

3 cups flour
½ cup sugar
2 eggs
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 tablespoon baking powder
2 tablespoons Crisco
1/3 cup warm water, add more if needed.

Combine ingredients and roll dough into long “snakes,” then cut into small pieces and roll pieces into balls.

Deep fry 350 degrees F.  Deep fry in Crisco until light brown.  Dump into bowl lined with paper towel.  Put honey and sprinkles on top of cookies.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Believe in your Dreams

As the holidays commence and my time fills with wrapping presents and baking cookies and preparing for the homecoming of my children, I find myself imagining what Christmas would have been like for the characters in my novels.  With the first book finished, I am now writing the second book in the series.  This story-line takes place in the late 19th century.  I "see" my characters before me and the 21st century seems to disappear.

Yesterday, I was flying in a jet on my way home from California to New York.  But in my mind, I was standing on a New York City Street, peeking through a window and looking into the home of the family in my second novel.  I could see them all, gathered together, decorating their tree and lighting candles.  Snow covering their stoop, the front door decorated and adorned with a bountiful wreath.  In the midst of all the twists and turns of their lives, my characters are taking a moment to enjoy their family.  They and I both know that life is not as simple as it seems to be when viewed from the perspective of an outside window.  But there are times when all the peripheral drama can be held at bay, and life and love can simply be enjoyed.  

To all of my readers, I am wishing you the most wonderful of all holidays!  Wherever you are, whatever your faith, take a moment and hold the drama at bay and enjoy those close to you.


I am looking forward to the New Year and the hopes of having my first novel published.  I will put my efforts into finding a Literary Agent who believes in my writing.  If all else fails, there is always self-publishing.  But I believe my story is worthy of the support that traditional publishing would provide.  And isn't this holiday season about Believing!  So that is my New Years' Resolution.  To do all I can to get my first novel, "The Tin Box Secret," to you in 2015.  Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy New Year!  And may you gather the courage to make your own dreams come true.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

My Saddest Christmas

Most stories about Christmas are happy ones, but the truth is that life is not always happy. Sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes they happen during the holiday season.  There are people who are hoping that this holiday season passes quickly because they have just lost someone they love.  What I hope they will hear in this story, is that they are not alone.  Many people experience pain and loss around the holidays.  It is all the more reason to enjoy the good times and value our loved ones while we still have them in our lives.

My father first found out that he had cancer when I was six years old.  The years went by and cancer became something that we lived with.  Since I was so young when it started, I don't really remember life before his cancer.  The fear that you experience is like a cancer itself.  It grows and contaminates every aspect of your life, and yet, in time, it becomes a new "normal" that you learn to live with.  It was a part of my life for the next fifteen years.  There were years when the cancer was "active" and there were years when it was in remission, but it was always there.  But one year, 1979, was different.

I was working in New York City and my father was in a hospital nearby.  That autumn, I spent a lot of time just sitting and talking with him during my lunch break or after work.  I was twenty-one years old and he was sixty-one.  We talked a lot about death because he needed to talk about it.  Those days were invaluable, and helped us both heal from mistakes of the past.

He came home from the hospital about a week before Christmas.  We were so happy to have him home!  The tree was up, the house was decorated, and the presents were wrapped.  But on the night of December 19th, my father made a turn for the worse.  Just before dawn on December 20th, we called the fire department and an ambulance came for him.  There was ice and snow on the concrete steps leading up to our house.  It made it difficult for the men to carry my father on the stretcher, but thankfully, they were able to do so without anyone slipping.  In the emergency room, my father held my hand and said what I thought would be his last words, "I want to go home."  When I informed the nurse of his wishes, she was surprised that he was talking.  It seemed that he was springing back from the brink, so they prepared a room for him.  Shortly after they moved him to his room, the priest arrived. He had been called earlier to give my father his last rights.  I asked the priest if I could go up to the room with him and he agreed.  While I stood at the door to my father's hospital room, and the priest performed the last rights, my father passed away.

I remember leaving the hospital that morning and thinking that I just didn't understand why.  Why was this time different?  Why didn't he recover like he always had before?  The next few days we spent at his wake and then he was buried on Christmas Eve.  On Christmas morning, my family sat around the tree and opened presents.  I just remember crying and crying and crying.  My father's presents were there, untouched and unopened.

A week later, my brother found a poem that my father had written over the past couple of months. He found it in my father's workshop in a machinist manual.  It was addressed to my mother and it said,

Dear Faye,

When comes the day that I shall die,
Please pray for me instead of cry.
The life I spent with you my dear,
Was one of love, respect, and cheer.

I'll miss my girls, I'll miss my boys,
Throughout the years, they brought great joys.
I pray that they'll watch over you,
and make you gay instead of blue.

Love,
Tony

It was one last gift from him to our family.  And it was more precious than any gift I had ever received before.  My father always loved words, he loved to read and he enjoyed writing an occasional poem.  He spoke to us through this poem one last time, and it told me that he did get to come home after all.  I believe it was his way of letting us know that he was still there, and that he would always be there, watching over us.



Saturday, December 6, 2014

Ghosts of Christmas Past


This year, as the decorations go up and colorful lights brighten the darkness, let your mind wander to the past and awaken the ghosts that are sleeping there.  Deep in the recesses of your memories, remember your own childhood and the anticipation you felt on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa Claus to come down the chimney (and, in my case, somehow come through our fake fireplace).

When I was a child, we would place a plate of cookies by the tree and then scurry up to bed.  But sleep always seemed to evade us, instead we lied awake, straining our young ears to hear the sound of reindeer hooves on the roof.  Oh, the magic!  The excitement!  The wonder!  Even now, I can see myself, tucked into bed next to my sister, waiting for the sound that would prove that Santa existed.  With our bedroom door closed, sooner or later we would hear the muffled sounds from above us, as presents were brought down from the attic and laid beneath the tree downstairs.  But, as a child, I preferred to imagine . . . I preferred to . . . Believe.

Memories . . .  Ghosts of Christmas Past . . . Eggnog, Chestnuts, (my father, whose name was Tony, placing his finger on his toe, then on his knee, then to his chest, and finally to his head . . . saying along the way: Toe-knee-chest-nut!), Struffoli, Pressed Butter Cookies, Sugar Cookies, Yum!

Secret plans were made on Christmas Eve between my older sister, younger brother and myself. Whomever woke up first, would wake the others. No one would go down to the Christmas Tree until we were all ready.  On Christmas morning, we would wake at the first hint of dawn and gather in the hallway.  We scampered down the stairs . . . I remember my feet stuffed into feety-pajamas and the sound that the souls of our feet would make as they rubbed against the carpet.


The tree would be lit with it's string of colored lights, thread-bare with black electric tape covering the exposed wires.  The television was turned on to Channel 11 for the Yule Log.  We waited, impatiently, for our parents to find their seats and then we searched the presents for the gift tags with our names on them.  Although we didn't have a lot of presents, for us it was a treasure trove.  And after the last present was unwrapped . . . there were the Christmas stockings.  Oh, the fear that we would find coal in our stockings!!!!  Spinning tops, Jax, Slinkys, Silly Putty, Bottles of Bubbles, and candy were poured onto the floor and marveled over.  I remember it all so well.

Those days, some fifty years ago or so, will never fade from my memory.


Thursday, December 4, 2014

Leadership and Change

My son went to a Leadership retreat with a select group of college freshman from his university this past August.  I was just looking over a presentation that the university prepared from a collection of photographs and a selection of comments from the participants.  Many of them said that they learned that being a leader doesn't always mean being the person in charge.  It sometimes simply means listening to others, supporting others, and valuing others.

I was also impressed by the passage that my son wrote:

"The biggest challenge for me was change.  I learned to accept and view others for who they are, not what your first impression suggests.  I also learned that I did not have to pretend to be somebody else to fit in or be accepted, it is important to be yourself.  I was able to come out of my comfort zone by letting my 'walls' down, and letting others in."

What a difficult and valuable to lesson to learn!

Many people live their whole lives without realizing that the best person they can be is themselves. We are so determined to fit in, or so in fear of not fitting in, that we develop "personas" that we think will be better accepted by others, rather than simply being our true selves.  Sometimes, the thought of interacting with others become so overwhelming that we prefer to stay by ourselves and close off the rest of the world.  We become afraid to voice our own opinions for fear of rejection.

I can't help but think about the news of late and how we look at the leaders in our world today.  When they stand up for what they believe in, they become a target of "hate" for all those who disagree with them.  Our society has this "us vs. them" mentality that destroys and tears apart attempts at constructive leadership.  We judge without having all of the information.  Instead, we go along with whatever crowd seems to have the loudest voice or else we cower in our own anonymity.

Being a leader in our world has changed from being an icon whom others follow, to becoming a target upon whom others can focus their own frustrations and anger.  Having a loud voice draws some people to us, while alienating others.  And yet, we need to speak out to evoke change.

However, as these college freshman learned at this retreat, there is a second component to leadership which is often forgotten . . . to listen, to support, and to value others who may look or think differently.  A true leader helps people "hear" each other, leads through constructive thoughts and actions, not vengeance.   Each of us can be a leader in our own lives.  All we need to do is listen and really "hear" what others have to say.  We need to learn to accept our differences, acknowledge our own faults and limitations, and work together to find a better way.

We are all equally responsible for our future, if you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.


Monday, December 1, 2014

Christmas Ornaments

When you decorate your Christmas tree this year, consider how the ornaments that you place on its branches are like a time capsule of your life.  When I was a newlywed, I couldn't wait to decorate my first Christmas tree.  But like most newlyweds we lived on a budget, so one way to fill the branches was to make the ornaments myself.  I scoured the shelves of craft stores looking for ones I could paint or piece together by following the directions.  I preferred a "country" theme of homemade decorations made of patchwork material and wood with popcorn strings as garland.

As our children were brought into our lives, it was important that the ornaments were "safe."  Plastic ornaments that said, "Baby's First Christmas," and ones that could be displayed with pictures of our bundles of joy, became our favorites.  Then there were the years when our daughter was a Girl Scout and I was one of her leaders.  We made ornaments together that were easy for the children to assemble, such as taking a lollipop stick and pushing it into a small Styrofoam ball.  Then covering the little ball with colorful material and tying the material around the base of the ball where it sat on the lollipop stick with ribbon.  Or taking a larger Styrofoam ball and a variety of colorful material cut into small pieces. We pushed the pieces of material into the ball until it was covered like a quilt. Then we stuck a pipe cleaner in at the top, so that it could be hung from the tree.  And, of course, the children brought home their own artwork from school to be placed on the tree with tremendous pride.

Soon we started taking family vacations, and every place we went, I bought an ornament to help me remember our trip.  Ornaments from Disney World, Santa's Village, Yellowstone National Park, and The Bronx Zoo, among so many others, were added to our annual Christmas display.  We added ornaments that represented things that our children enjoyed like musical instruments, ballerinas, robots and superheros.  My daughter informed me one Christmas, that the tree should be topped with a "star," not an "angel."  And so we went on a search until we found the perfect star to crown our tree and my angel was retired to the Christmas bin where she could rest after her long years of hard work.

Once the children were grown, I started to add more glass ornaments which reminded me of the Christmas tree of my childhood.  I can still remember climbing up into my parents' attic to find the wooden crate, originally from a fruit and vegetable market, that held the old ornaments.  The old crate had a colorful painting of fruit on it that always intrigued me.  Just seeing that crate, brought a sense of happiness and joy to me.  Inevitably, every year, some of the glass ornaments would have been broken while packed away.  But peeling back the layers of old tissue paper, which protected each ornament, was like opening a treasured Christmas present.  It was exciting to see what ornament would be revealed.  My favorite, were the oldest ones that dated back to my parents first years as a married couple in the early 1940s.  Perhaps some were even older, passed down from my grandparents for my parents' first Christmas together in 1942.  These ornaments hung on their tree while WWII was raging in Europe and Asia.  "Holiday Inn" with Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire was playing in the theater.  "Miracle on 34th Street," "Bells of St. Mary," "It's a Wonderful Night," and "White Christmas" weren't even made yet!

Each fragile ornament, spun of glass so many years ago.  Each had been hung on Christmas trees long before I was born.  And each one held a sense of magic for me . . . the magic of the season for one little girl.

This year my children will come home from college and help me decorate our Christmas tree.  On it we will hang a collection of ornaments.  They will include ornaments from our first "Country" Christmas, their "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments, decorations that they made as children, souvenirs from our travels, ornaments displaying pictures of them as they grew and changed through the years, along with others that are mementos of their childhood, all under my daughter's Chistmas Star.

But the ornaments that I treasure the most, are the few leftover from my own childhood.  I still have some from my parents' first Christmas trees.  I am usually not brave enough to place them on the boughs . . . but maybe this year, I will include just one or two.  I will make sure they are sturdy branches, because the ornaments are as precious as the memories that they evoke.

Wishing all of my readers a most joyous Christmas season!